I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
