yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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