Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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