My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
