Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
