Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
