Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
