im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
