she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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