worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Welp...herpes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
