She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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