This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
