I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
