Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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