is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
