I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
