I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
