What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
