Me. At least after what I've been through.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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