the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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