Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
