dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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