My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
