I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
