There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm having to shit out rocks
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
