Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
