I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
