Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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