if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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