In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
