I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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