I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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