im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
