Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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