some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think people are normalizing furries
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
