Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
