sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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