Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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