Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize