I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
