Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
