Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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