hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
