Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
