I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
