i think my mom watched the whole time
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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