I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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