Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
