btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
