just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
