How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
