"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
