Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
