i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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