About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
