I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
