I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
