I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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