Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
