Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
