I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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