I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
