you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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