You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
