whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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