Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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