Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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