so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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