Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
