You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
