dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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