What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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