Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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